Yes, I am still alive (falling is not the same as failure)


One of those things in life that seems to reach out and grab you from behind in a way that only a horror movie can do is realizing that you’ve fallen off the wagon…but falling is not the same as failure.  I have come to realize in the year since my last posting that I fell off the wagon in a profound and glorious manner…but that for some reason, not being happy with my weight was the only thing in my life that I wasn’t happy with.  My job is awesome, my husband supportive, my friends and family all in good places.  Even my dogs are (mostly) behaving on a daily basis.  I couldn’t ask for more.

Then I looked in the mirror.

I started this blog five YEARS ago after a horrific loss left me bereft of any emotional stability and I threw myself haphazardly into Ideal Protein’s alternative plan that I was given from a family member who was wildly successful with it.  In three months I went from a ballooning 192 lbs down to an acceptable 162 lbs.   30 pounds in 30 days!  And I even got a fantastic pair of shoes to show for it.  Then, life happened and I went back to eating dinner out, snacking when I wasn’t hungry, and my metabolism (and the rest of my body) turned 30.

The weight initially crept back on, slithering around my thighs and hips like a layer of snakes, one pound at a time, until I stepped on the scale a year ago and it whimpered in defeat.  214 pounds.  Oh, my god.  Not only have I broken 200 pounds, I did it without noticing.  How the hell did that happen?!?  I will say that I’ve managed to maintain that 214 pounds for the last year, dipping down to 208 periodically just to see if I could.  But now it’s time for me to take a look not in the mirror, not at the scale, but at my plate, and at my feet, because it’s not the image that bothers me.  It’s the fact that I know I’m not putting good food into my body, I knowthat I’m not exercising as much as I should be, and you know what?  I have no excuses.

So, starting tomorrow, for at least tomorrow, I am going to make better choices.  Even if only for a day, that will make it better than today was, because a bowl of Lucky Charms at 6AM, followed by half a croissanwich from Burger King at 9, sub sandwich around noon and hardees for dinner does not a healthy diet make.

Tomorrow, I may not be back on the wagon, but I’m going to at least start to try and catch up to it.

I’m backing a Kickstarter Project … Will You Join Me?

Cards of the Citadel is launching on Kickstarter today!

My husband has created a video game for PC, MAC and Linux players.  This game is unlike any other because it’s a card based strategy game that also incorporates a Tower Defense concept.  Think of it like Plants vs. Zombies (tower defense) meets Magic, or Hearthstone etc.

The player draws cards out of a deck, which determines which defenses they’ll have available to them.  Check out their Kickstarter page, vote them up on Steam Greenlight and I’ll be forever grateful!

No this isn’t my full time job, I simply write my blog as a hobby, but my husband is trying valiantly to be able to put some joy and giggles out into the world with his new game, and any support is appreciated.

Riding to work

It’s finally warm enough outside to start pedaling my way to work in the mornings, and it could not come at a better time!  Between a ramp up in production and bigwigs coming to visit, the stress is going to be crazytown!  Thankfully, getting even 30 minutes of biking in the morning can help boost my mood for the rest of the day.

“Short rides at a moderate intensity are arguably the best way to prompt the release of endorphins, lower the stress hormone cortisol and raise your energy levels. Studies repeatedly show the beneficial effect of exercises such as cycling in reducing fatigue, and even helping insomniacs get to sleep quicker and stay asleep longer. So if you’re tired or sleepless, get in a quick ride and feel better for the rest of the day.”- thanks to Cyclebug for their bit of knowledgery (yes I know that’s not a word!)

Now it’s time for me to get some learning on, then jump on my Giant and pedal to work for the day.

Anyone reading this, stay awesome!  You are worth every bit of effort you put into yourself, and probably a little bit more.

Strava, Bicycling like a Beast!!!

Me and my “Little Brother”

Follow me on Strava

Follow me on Strava


Welcome back to my blog! Holy crap it’s been almost 5 months since my last post. That’s insane.  I have no excuse, I’ve been lax in my blogging admittedly.  I started this journey over 2 years ago on Ideal Protein, then transitioned over to Weight Watchers.  My weight has gone up, down, and up again, and now down again, and I’m starting to learn that it’s OK.

I’m fighting the good fight though, and knowing that TRYING is better than doing NOTHING.


Just to show how my weight has been going (gradually) down over the past 7 months, here’s my Weight Watchers Weight Tracking profile:

The last 12 months of my weight: Total lost so far, 15 lbs

The last 12 months of my weight: Total lost so far, 15 lbs

I’m far from perfect as you can see. This is all about accountability and transparency.  So here is me being accountable:  I still have 20 pounds that I WANT to lose.  Here’s me being transparent: I CAN DO THIS, but it MAY take LONGER than I WANT.  At the end of the day though, I’m 29 years old, I’m sure that fighting weight will be something I fight for a very long time, and I’m really just getting into the second battle, as it were.

My current weight: 186.0 as of yesterday morning (thank you nice people at Weight Watchers for not judging me too harshly).  My weight on January 15th when I weighed in for the first time at Weight Watchers: 201.  I have been down to 184 between then and now, and when I did Ideal Protein I bottomed out at 162, which had no muscle at all and still managed to be flabby.  This time, my goal is 165 but to have some actual MUSCLE under the flab as well as a healthier heart.

What I’m doing to move the scale this week: 31 miles on my bike yesterday, 20 miles on my bike today, hopefully at least 10 miles on my bike tomorrow (back to work for me, and it’s harder for me to bike to work going up hill for a measly 4 miles than do the whole bike trail of 20 miles).  I’m back tracking my food on my Weight Watchers Mobile App, but am honestly pushing more for the exercise this week than the food.  So EVERY day I’m going to try to do SOMETHING physically demanding for at least an hour.  That does NOT include my half an hour walk at lunch, no.  This is an hour of something that makes me sweat.  So if it’s not bike riding for a night, then it’ll be me going for a (shudder) run/jog or going to a Zumba class (kind of shudder, it’s $10/class).

This is just one week I’m trying this.  We’ll see how it goes.  But who knows, I might even surprise myself 🙂

Thanks for swinging by to my blog, I promise to work on updating a bit more frequently than once every 5 months!

Where is she now?

Well, it’s been nearly 6 (yes 6!) months since my last post, which is a little “OMG” ish right?  What’s happened in that amount of time?  I got back onto working on my weight loss, sans major exercise for now, but will be adding it within the next 2 months, and am on the new Weight Watchers Points Plus program.  They have this slick “Simple Start” system now where you don’t even count points, you just eat a very specific group of foods.

Weight Watchers logo

Does this mean that I’m not ordering from DietDirect again any time soon?  Absolutely not!  I love their products and they’ve NEVER screwed up an order for me, so I’ll keep ordering their products as as a great way for me to have my cake and eat it too!  I especially love the Crispy Fudge & Graham Meal Replacement bars, which net only 4 Points Plus on the Weight Watchers plan, so I can totally handle that (as opposed to the 8-15 Points Plus for a standard candybar).

My blog will still have the  Ideal Protein and alternative content on it, honestly that information was a pain in the butt to track down, so I’m not wiping it off the face of the earth just because I want to add new content to my blog.  So that’ll stay in place, although it won’t be updated really.

I re-joined Weight Watchers on January 4th, 2013 weighing in at 201.4 pounds (omg over 200!), over the next 5 weeks I have lost NEARLY 10 pounds, I’m at 192.6 right now, and am confident I’ll hit that 191.4 this upcoming Saturday when I weigh in.  The loss is slower than when I was on Ideal Protein, but I do find that I’m angry much less of the time 😉  I’m working with the Monthly Pass system, so it’s $42/month, but that gets me as many meetings as I’d like in the span of any given week, as well as the online E-tools.  What’s better, I don’t “have” to buy special food, I just have to eat smaller portions of food that’s not a fruit or vegetable (Weight Watchers points plus doesn’t count points for most fruits or vegetables, with a few exceptions).

So, that’s where I am now, the next step is starting to update my blog more regularly again, let’s see how that goes 😉