Darwin and the Huntsman

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Ron White – Deer Hunting
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Ron White…not one of my all time favorite comedians, but this joke seriously stuck with me, for years actually.  I’m going to second this by a few humorous images depicting various “Darwin Award” type situations.

Alright, hopefully you’ll have found the humor in the above images, so I am not crucified for the following statement:  If a kid is playing in the street (we’re talking 4 years or older), sees a car barreling down at them, and proceeds to stand there, even after the car has STOPPED for over a minute, then go back to playing as if there were no car there…they may be testing the process of natural selection.

I say this from an extremely jaded point of view of a person who has this happen on a daily basis, and from the view of someone who has never had kids, so keep that in mind.  Allow me to dig my moral grave a bit deeper…

Driving home from work one day, a child ran into the street…pardon me, three children ran into the street, and stood there, staring at my car.  I pulled to a stop, in the middle of the road, and proceeded to wait as the parents of said children continued to stand on their doorsteps for the length of “Amaryllis” by Shinedown (roughly 3 minutes) before one walked out of another house, into the street, and proceeded to herd the children back to the sidewalk.  As I pulled into gear and crept down the street at a sedate 5 mph, I looked into my rear view mirror, and to my dismay, saw the same three kids run back into the street gleefully, as the one responsible adult then walked back into the house and closed the door.  At this point I made an offhand comment which has consisted to stick with me.  “I swear to god, if Ron White can make a joke out of deer hunting with a car, why can’t it be considered hunting when dumb ass kids play in the street, the same as deer, and get hit by a car”.

I now open the floor to criticism, hate mail, and comments.  And I dig my grave a little deeper.  Here we go!

We hunt game, partly as sport (not for me, but for something like 7% of the American population), and partly for population control.  Game populations would overpopulate, and ultimately chew through their resources, literally (see Mountain Lions in Western South Dakota vs. the Elk population, literally chewing through the population).  So, what do we, as God fearing survivalists do?  We buy little pieces of paper, pick up our guns, and have at it, all in the name of over population.

So…we justify killing animals in the name of population control.  What is there to control our overpopulation?  Our good old friend, Charles Darwin.  So, “Darwin” has been purchasing hunting licenses regularly, and sometimes it seems to unfair that he is cheated out of his tag.  I have to wonder, if we intervened a little less, would Darwin help balance out our overpopulation of the planet?  No, I don’t think kids should be hit by cars for playing in the street, but at the same time I think it’s wrong that they expect the world to bend around their needs from the age of 3 until 30 (or so it seems sometimes) and when they are grown up (note, I said grown up, I’m not suggesting genocide stupid kids, the world would go barren in a heartbeat), sometimes it is fitting that they meet Darwin face to face.

I tip my hat to you, Mr. Darwin, and hope at least for me that we don’t meet for many years, this is one tag you’re going to have to wait for.

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