Yes, I am still alive (falling is not the same as failure)


One of those things in life that seems to reach out and grab you from behind in a way that only a horror movie can do is realizing that you’ve fallen off the wagon…but falling is not the same as failure.  I have come to realize in the year since my last posting that I fell off the wagon in a profound and glorious manner…but that for some reason, not being happy with my weight was the only thing in my life that I wasn’t happy with.  My job is awesome, my husband supportive, my friends and family all in good places.  Even my dogs are (mostly) behaving on a daily basis.  I couldn’t ask for more.

Then I looked in the mirror.

I started this blog five YEARS ago after a horrific loss left me bereft of any emotional stability and I threw myself haphazardly into Ideal Protein’s alternative plan that I was given from a family member who was wildly successful with it.  In three months I went from a ballooning 192 lbs down to an acceptable 162 lbs.   30 pounds in 30 days!  And I even got a fantastic pair of shoes to show for it.  Then, life happened and I went back to eating dinner out, snacking when I wasn’t hungry, and my metabolism (and the rest of my body) turned 30.

The weight initially crept back on, slithering around my thighs and hips like a layer of snakes, one pound at a time, until I stepped on the scale a year ago and it whimpered in defeat.  214 pounds.  Oh, my god.  Not only have I broken 200 pounds, I did it without noticing.  How the hell did that happen?!?  I will say that I’ve managed to maintain that 214 pounds for the last year, dipping down to 208 periodically just to see if I could.  But now it’s time for me to take a look not in the mirror, not at the scale, but at my plate, and at my feet, because it’s not the image that bothers me.  It’s the fact that I know I’m not putting good food into my body, I knowthat I’m not exercising as much as I should be, and you know what?  I have no excuses.

So, starting tomorrow, for at least tomorrow, I am going to make better choices.  Even if only for a day, that will make it better than today was, because a bowl of Lucky Charms at 6AM, followed by half a croissanwich from Burger King at 9, sub sandwich around noon and hardees for dinner does not a healthy diet make.

Tomorrow, I may not be back on the wagon, but I’m going to at least start to try and catch up to it.

I’m backing a Kickstarter Project … Will You Join Me?

Cards of the Citadel is launching on Kickstarter today!

My husband has created a video game for PC, MAC and Linux players.  This game is unlike any other because it’s a card based strategy game that also incorporates a Tower Defense concept.  Think of it like Plants vs. Zombies (tower defense) meets Magic, or Hearthstone etc.

The player draws cards out of a deck, which determines which defenses they’ll have available to them.  Check out their Kickstarter page, vote them up on Steam Greenlight and I’ll be forever grateful!

No this isn’t my full time job, I simply write my blog as a hobby, but my husband is trying valiantly to be able to put some joy and giggles out into the world with his new game, and any support is appreciated.

Riding to work

It’s finally warm enough outside to start pedaling my way to work in the mornings, and it could not come at a better time!  Between a ramp up in production and bigwigs coming to visit, the stress is going to be crazytown!  Thankfully, getting even 30 minutes of biking in the morning can help boost my mood for the rest of the day.

“Short rides at a moderate intensity are arguably the best way to prompt the release of endorphins, lower the stress hormone cortisol and raise your energy levels. Studies repeatedly show the beneficial effect of exercises such as cycling in reducing fatigue, and even helping insomniacs get to sleep quicker and stay asleep longer. So if you’re tired or sleepless, get in a quick ride and feel better for the rest of the day.”- thanks to Cyclebug for their bit of knowledgery (yes I know that’s not a word!)

Now it’s time for me to get some learning on, then jump on my Giant and pedal to work for the day.

Anyone reading this, stay awesome!  You are worth every bit of effort you put into yourself, and probably a little bit more.

Falling off the wagon hurts!

So this is me, off the wagon for exactly one year.  What has happened in that time?  I regained the weight I lost, what?!? You mean I can’t go back to my lifestyle of pizza every weekend and a whole loaf of bread every week and a bag of chocolate candies every week and not maintain my weight?!? What blasphemy is this???

It’s the truth, honey, and that’s all there is to it.

So what have I been up to?  Most recently I’ve started counting calories on myfitnesspal again, have reordered my stock of Wonderslim products (Oatmeal Raisin with Icing cookies is terrible, avoid them like the plague!) And now I’ve rejoined the Adult Soccer League.


I am not a graceful gazelle, but I have a lot of fun.  Recently I also went to Florida with my family which was a total blast, hot, but fun.  And now my goal is simple.  5 pounds.  Just 5.  5 pounds and I can give myself a pat on the back.  I won’t say what my end goal is, that’s way at the other end of the field.  Right now my goal is just to get the ball off the line, so to speak.

So here’s to a new day.  I guess it all really comes down to the fact that weight loss is a journey, not just a destination.  My journey continues, and so does my blog.

Zoe Goes Running…Tour De France on foot???

So, I stumbled on some random Health article that talked about how this woman started running, yes running the Tour De France on May 15th and plans to finish the 2,000 mile (yes, 2 thousand) journey before the bikes finish.  She wrote a blog called Zoe Goes Running, and I’m having a blast reading about her adventure.