One of those things in life that seems to reach out and grab you from behind in a way that only a horror movie can do is realizing that you’ve fallen off the wagon…but falling is not the same as failure. I have come to realize in the year since my last posting that I fell off the wagon in a profound and glorious manner…but that for some reason, not being happy with my weight was the only thing in my life that I wasn’t happy with. My job is awesome, my husband supportive, my friends and family all in good places. Even my dogs are (mostly) behaving on a daily basis. I couldn’t ask for more.
Then I looked in the mirror.
I started this blog five YEARS ago after a horrific loss left me bereft of any emotional stability and I threw myself haphazardly into Ideal Protein’s alternative plan that I was given from a family member who was wildly successful with it. In three months I went from a ballooning 192 lbs down to an acceptable 162 lbs. 30 pounds in 30 days! And I even got a fantastic pair of shoes to show for it. Then, life happened and I went back to eating dinner out, snacking when I wasn’t hungry, and my metabolism (and the rest of my body) turned 30.
The weight initially crept back on, slithering around my thighs and hips like a layer of snakes, one pound at a time, until I stepped on the scale a year ago and it whimpered in defeat. 214 pounds. Oh, my god. Not only have I broken 200 pounds, I did it without noticing. How the hell did that happen?!? I will say that I’ve managed to maintain that 214 pounds for the last year, dipping down to 208 periodically just to see if I could. But now it’s time for me to take a look not in the mirror, not at the scale, but at my plate, and at my feet, because it’s not the image that bothers me. It’s the fact that I know I’m not putting good food into my body, I knowthat I’m not exercising as much as I should be, and you know what? I have no excuses.
So, starting tomorrow, for at least tomorrow, I am going to make better choices. Even if only for a day, that will make it better than today was, because a bowl of Lucky Charms at 6AM, followed by half a croissanwich from Burger King at 9, sub sandwich around noon and hardees for dinner does not a healthy diet make.
Tomorrow, I may not be back on the wagon, but I’m going to at least start to try and catch up to it.